[Written Thu, 07 Nov 2002 13:09:57. None of the names have been
changed to protect the innocent because I don't know their proper names anyway!]
The following is a true story.
Mr. Paba 'rOckO' Phree was at the studio last night, liquored up, spray paint
can in hand, clearly up to no-good, preparing for a much needed evacuation
to a heretofore undisclosed location in southern CA. Also on deck was
Dream11, and the infamous Mr. Foo. Yours truly was also present, covered
in laundry starch; don't ask long and very stupid story. Mr. Phree
had the forklift out on the side walk lifting things that shouldn't be lifted
out of his truck. We marveled at how T-Girrl's three foot diameter
duck head managed to stay balanced on the roof of the forklift, no matter
what evil gyrations Mr. Phree inflicted on said forklift. It was quite
While Mr. Phree was 'correcting' the rather mundane stock paint job on his
truck cap, and while Mr. Foo was building a flame thrower of a totally new,
experimental, and untested design, Dream11 and I decided to take a spin around
the block on the forklift. With a nice frosty beer, I put the forklift
in high gear, raised the forks as high as they would go, and proceeded down
the street with Dream11 about 15 feet in the air, beer in hand, cigar in
After driving around the neighborhood, we turned the block to head down the
street near Pepe Ozan's art studio. I knew there was trouble ahead
when a van, with a large roof rack, kept driving straight at us, head lights
alternating, search light aimed straight on D11 and the duck head.
As soon as I saw the blue uniform of the SFPD, I immediately started calculating.
No registration, driving to endanger, no insurance, general douchbaggery,
$1000, $2000, $3000, yep, this is gonna be a three thousand dollar fuckup.
Unfortunately, I know from experience, that the cost of these sort of fuckups
tend come in one thousand dollar increments; court costs, lawyer fees, fines,
bad boy school, community service, etc., you know the deal, it all adds up
pretty fast. The conversation with SFPD went EXACTLY like this:
Max: Hi there, look, we just got this forklift and got too excited, we had
to, err, drive it around, I'm really sorry, I'll get it off the street right
away, won't happen....
SFPD: [Spot light on D11, 15 feet in the air, with beer & cigar] Are
you guys crazy!!??!
Max: I'm really sorry, look, we'll bring this right back to our shop.
We have a warehouse around the block, we just got this forklift and were
really excited [best excuse I could think of] and just had to.....
SFPD: Is that a duck head on the top of that thing?
SFPD: Is that a duck, a duck head, on your forklift?
Max: Well, yes, it's a duck head...?
SFPD: Are you guys crazy?
Max: No, we're artists. Our art studio is right around the corner,
we'll bring this thing right back, we're really sorr......
SFPD: You're artists?
Max: Yes, we're artists
SFPD: OH, Ok, Have a good night.
And with that, they drove off, leaving me sitting on the forklift, beer in
hand, D11 15 feet in the air, beer in hand, in the middle of the street,
WITH A GREAT BIG DUCK HEAD ON TOP OF THE FORK LIFT.
Sometimes life is so good I want to cry.
A proud San Francisco Artist,