[Written Thu, 07 Nov 2002 13:09:57.  None of the names have been changed to protect the innocent because I don't know their proper names anyway!]

The following is a true story.

Mr. Paba 'rOckO' Phree was at the studio last night, liquored up, spray paint can in hand, clearly up to no-good, preparing for a much needed evacuation to a heretofore undisclosed location in southern CA.  Also on deck was Dream11, and the infamous Mr. Foo.  Yours truly was also present, covered in laundry starch; don't ask long and very stupid story.  Mr. Phree had the forklift out on the side walk lifting things that shouldn't be lifted out of his truck.  We marveled at how T-Girrl's three foot diameter duck head managed to stay balanced on the roof of the forklift, no matter what evil gyrations Mr. Phree inflicted on said forklift.  It was quite a sight.

While Mr. Phree was 'correcting' the rather mundane stock paint job on his truck cap, and while Mr. Foo was building a flame thrower of a totally new, experimental, and untested design, Dream11 and I decided to take a spin around the block on the forklift.  With a nice frosty beer, I put the forklift in high gear, raised the forks as high as they would go, and proceeded down the street with Dream11 about 15 feet in the air, beer in hand, cigar in mouth.  

After driving around the neighborhood, we turned the block to head down the street near Pepe Ozan's art studio.  I knew there was trouble ahead when a van, with a large roof rack, kept driving straight at us, head lights alternating, search light aimed straight on D11 and the duck head.  As soon as I saw the blue uniform of the SFPD, I immediately started calculating.  No registration, driving to endanger, no insurance, general douchbaggery, $1000, $2000, $3000, yep, this is gonna be a three thousand dollar fuckup.  Unfortunately, I know from experience, that the cost of these sort of fuckups tend come in one thousand dollar increments; court costs, lawyer fees, fines, bad boy school, community service, etc., you know the deal, it all adds up pretty fast.  The conversation with SFPD went EXACTLY like this:

Max: Hi there, look, we just got this forklift and got too excited, we had to, err, drive it around, I'm really sorry, I'll get it off the street right away, won't happen....

SFPD: [Spot light on D11, 15 feet in the air, with beer & cigar] Are you guys crazy!!??!

Max: I'm really sorry, look, we'll bring this right back to our shop.  We have a warehouse around the block, we just got this forklift and were really excited [best excuse I could think of] and just had to.....

SFPD: Is that a duck head on the top of that thing?

Max: What?

SFPD: Is that a duck, a duck head, on your forklift?

Max: Well, yes, it's a duck head...?

SFPD: Are you guys crazy?

Max:  No, we're artists.  Our art studio is right around the corner, we'll bring this thing right back, we're really sorr......

SFPD: You're artists?

Max: Yes, we're artists

SFPD: OH, Ok, Have a good night.

And with that, they drove off, leaving me sitting on the forklift, beer in hand, D11 15 feet in the air, beer in hand, in the middle of the street, WITH A GREAT BIG DUCK HEAD ON TOP OF THE FORK LIFT.

Sometimes life is so good I want to cry.

A proud San Francisco Artist,
Since 1998