I walked among gentle virgins
swamped in loneliness
I had my pick of desperation
and chose the ones withdrawn
And taught them in the quiet twilight
to open windows into light
And I gave all I had to give
it was what I needed most
They surrounded me with open mouthes
and clumsy, groping hands
Like to suckling children
I offered them my breast
And seeing them fulfilled
was extacy
that substitued well for love...
But, in the end, I needed more
than being needed gave me
And eventually when I ran dry
(though still I needed needing)
I slashed the ligaments to my heart
to save my life
Now no longer being needed
(yet given until dry)
Breaking up was excrutiating
Knawing off the part of me ensnared
I was left with nothing.
And, swamped with loneliness
I merely look around
and take my pick of desperation
And give until I'm dry
and then until I'm lonely
Thus the spiral turned again...
...until so small it turned within
Yet, they still surround me
open mouthed
Sometimes the needing pulls me down
as if I'd drown
And with my arms across my face
I run inside myself
I run away
How does one go about
breaking someone's heart?
When it only comes in need?
oblivious to subtle rebuff?
Do I merely run away?
But to confront with clear rejection
Is only to admit to something
that before was only feigned
And it will certainly be met with
fake indignance
Yet, the language of the heart
cries high in twilight
It is hard to shut the windows
on the plaintive mewing
But I now need more than needing
And for once want gifts and presents
not just acceptance
I want my kindness to be matched
not just appreciated
Someone to fit what I have wanted
Not merely need the things I am.
This time, I will orbit 'round him
But I can also give to him
And so not need his gravity
as they had needed me
As two suns, sharing flares
We will light eachother
And I will be a child again
not a mother
and finally be complete
Epilogue:
While I was drenched with innocense
I had to question cruel rejection
To comprehend why gentle men
found only coldness for them
But now, I, too, have turned away
and face a new direction
I narrow my selection
forcing me to see rejection
making clear what is rejection
and in rejecting find rejection
and for once appreciate rejection